The dreaded 18 weeks.....

Here we are…. 18 weeks. This has been, by far, the most difficult week yet. Physically, everything is
great. I feel really good, but mentally/emotionally, I am a wreck. 

 

I knew that getting here would be a challenge. I really felt all of the trauma from losing Joseph. I was building everything up in my head. My heart wouldn’t stop racing; my mind raced non-stop.

Thankfully, my prenatal appointment was first thing this morning. My midwife seemed to know right away that I was feeling anxious, so when she came into the room, she checked for the heartbeat. I won’t lie, it was a little terrifying. When she first checked, I couldn’t hear it. She kept looking and about a second later landed on the heartbeat. But those few seconds terrified me. 

 

There it was…. a strong heart rate of 154! 

 

Later in the day, I had an appointment with the maternal/fetal specialist. They did an in-depth ultrasound and it was great to see baby kicking and punching around in there. Everything looked great, her heart, brain, spin, kidneys, etc. She had all her fingers and toes. She was measuring right at 18 weeks and she is definitely a girl. 

 

For the first time in this pregnancy I felt a bit of confidence. Watching her move around in there and feeling her kick, gave me hope. I sat there thinking to myself “Ok, this is gonna happen. We’re gonna have this baby.” 

 

I have been so reluctant to buy anything for her. I see so many cute things and I think about getting them, but I quickly shut it down and tell myself to wait. But, after these appointments, I decided to move forward with more positivity. So, while out making a return, I looked in the baby section and decided to buy a few things for her. I immediately felt a bit of regret, like buying these things would somehow jinx it, but I pushed it out of my mind. 

 

Here is to 22 more weeks until we meet our little girl…

How far along: 18 Weeks

Gender: GIRL

Sleep: Awful.

Miss anything: Nothing really

Movement: She likes to kick me at night and I love it. I want her to kick non-stop! 

Cravings/Aversions:  More aversions than anything. I just don't want to eat anything

Looking forward to: Telling our family & friends that we are expecting