The proverbial rug

Ya know how everything can be going great and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, things feel like they are falling apart all around you? That is how this week felt to me. 

 

Like the rug was pulled from under my feet. 

Tim came home today and broke the news. His bosses want him to relocate back to California. 

 

My reaction… silence followed by silent sobs. 

 

I don’t really know why that was my reaction. I mean, it would be going home. Back to family. Back to our friends. But something about leaving just made me cry. I realized how much I have come to love Arizona and the life that we have built here. 

 

After we put the boys to bed, Tim and I finally had a chance to talk it all over. Obviously, he can say no, but in doing so, he will end his chances of moving up in the company. 

 

Saying yes comes with its own challenges. I am in the middle of a high-risk pregnancy; I love my doctors; I am comfortable with them; I feel safe in their care. This means finding a whole new set of doctors back home. I know there are perfectly capable and talented doctors back home, but that can’t replace the 7 years of familiarity.

 

School is another issue. Where would the boys go? How is the school system out there? We figured it out here, I’m sure we could figure it out there. To tell you the truth, I love the preschool and elementary school the boys are in and I would hate to leave them. 

 

We’d likely move in with my mom for a bit until we found our own place, which is the only part of this situation that doesn’t feel like there is any pressure around it. Plus, it would be nice to be there with her and to help her with whatever she needs. 

Another down side… Tim’s work schedule. As it is right now, he is working late, as compared to past years. He is home somewhere between 5 & 6ish, as opposed to his old 3:30/4ish. Going to that division he’d be working 15-16 plus hours a day, mix in traffic and it’d be 6 days a week. Look, I know that we would manage. I know that so many families do. But do we want to walk away from a place we love, a schedule that works?

 

And, I love our house. I don’t want to sell it or move away from it. 

 

I know, I am complaining and I shouldn’t be. I am scared to move. Not just to California, but anywhere, in anyway. I mean, I hardly do any sort of cardio because during a past pregnancy, I miscarried and I see the two as connected. The most I do is walk. Because fear. 

 

I am trying to think of all the positives that will come with this move and I know that there are many. Like how great would it be to live near my family again? To see my nieces and nephews more? To go hang out at my brother’s house again, just for fun? To pick my nieces up to go shopping or get our nails done? That part of it makes my heart leap. 

I'll keep you posted....we should know next week where we'll be living this summer....

How far along: 19 Weeks

Gender: GIRL

Sleep: Awful.

Miss anything: Nothing really

Movement: She is moving more and more. 

Cravings/Aversions:  I'm sticking to a pretty bland diet because I don't want to upset my stomach

Looking forward to: Telling our family & friends that we are expecting