........don't know what to call it.......

When I buried my dad, I buried a piece of myself with him. I find myself searching for normal and I can’t find it, because the truth is, I don’t want to be normal without my dad. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to be with friends, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to go to school…I don’t want to do anything. I am struggling with those moments that seem to crush me and remind me that he’s not here anymore. I listen for his footsteps and I don’t hear them…and that’s not ok with me! Everyone keeps telling me that it will be alright, that time will heal my wounds, that I’ll see him again, that he’s in a better place, that I’ll be ok….all I have to say is that I am only ok because I don’t have any other choice. I can’t bring him back, I can’t rewind and make myself stay home from D.C., I can’t bargain with God and ask Him to let me say good-bye. My dad is gone and I have no choice but to live on without him and it is the most heart breaking, bone crushing feeling of my life….